did you get your gold star?

Growing up, I remember teachers would give students gold stars for each accomplishment for the day. The more stickers I received the worthier I felt. I think this also led me to believe the glory was in the struggle. Somehow I would be more worthy of something if I really struggled for it or it came at a high price. Not anymore. Luckily, these days I tell myself a new story. If it’s that difficult it’s not worth it. If it feels good, it is good. And if it feels bad, well, then it’s just plain bad. But sometimes life seems to come at us, so if I am in a particularly challenging moment I will repeatedly ask “How can I make this easier for myself?” At the office that can mean delegating something from my to do list onto someone else’s. In my personal life it can be grocery delivery for the week instead of a trip to the store. Just recently I had a conversation with one of my busy mom friends. She had two kids and a dizzying list of things to do for the week, while her husband was out of town and no help nearby. I was exhausted just listening and could hear the stress and overwhelm in her voice. I said to her “You know, no one is giving out gold stars for running yourself into the ground.” I made a few suggestions about how to make the week easier for herself. One was calling her child’s therapist to see if they could do a telehealth call for the week instead of their usual in office visit. The other was giving her kids a break from some of their usual after school activities. Sometimes parents are on autopilot and try to keep the same pace even as more activities get added to the schedule or less help is available. Stop and ask yourself where you can make things easier and give yourself permission to do so. If needed, get another perspective for suggestions or solutions you may not easily see. Last time I checked there are no gold stars being given out for exhaustion and you deserve to be happily busy, not depleted busy. These days, the more worthy I feel , the less I need those stickers! I encourage you to do the same.